The Importance of Listening

So often, it is the loud and brazen who are revered. In the past century, those with skilled communication, such as Winston Churchill and Martin Luther King, have held a dazzling legacy as motivators, transcending the boundaries of spoken rhetoric through emphasis and emotion. A public speaker is regularly seen as the architect of persuasion and seduction. But spare a thought for the listener, whose job is as every bit important as it is undervalued. 

To some, it may sound strange to focus on listening as a skill. We will all proclaim to listen well, after all, how hard can it actually be? On the face of it, all it takes is to let another speak, and perhaps acknowledge the content of what they have said. 

It is this attitude that leaves us confused at some of the problems engulfing our own personal and interconnected worlds. I feel as if it is quite common for people, myself included, to nod along in conversation, waiting for our turn to speak about the things that are most important to us, most influential in our lives, that we think most people want to hear about.

I find an instant disconnect when that becomes a regular occurrence. In essence, everyday conversation has become too similar to the feel of a speech prepared hours beforehand. You want to talk about football? I'll go off on a tangent of my personal experiences and what I find most fascinating. I want to talk about politics? You'll strongly pursue one line of thought, regardless of what I have said in the conversation. 

Human nature dictates that, to a certain degree. We can only relate to topics based off of our interpretation or experience of how they have affected us. But we have to learn that there is value in thinking on the spot, using instinct to not simply talk at people, but talk and engage with them in a patient and mature manner.

The most approachable people are the ones who instead try and empathise, paying attention to your issue and enquiring more about how it makes you feel. Admittedly, there is a fine line between being too condescending and uncaring but I think a conscious focus on listening to what people say gives you more awareness of how to respond. If you're simply waiting to speak, there is little opportunity for people to speak up about their mental health in this life often lived at 90mph.

The listening disconnect is what, unfortunately, plagues discussions about two things that greatly concern me; politics and mental health. 

When people are not engaging with another, problems with the latter become fairly self-explanatory. I am pretty frank and open about my mental health and often I find that when I do open up, there is a common ode that people use to try and console. "That sucks mate. A few weeks ago, I was feeling rough like that too. Blah, blah, blah."

I must stress that it is usually less overt than this, and I am self-aware enough to know that I am guilty of things like this too. Nevertheless, the first response to someone opening up like that cannot be to relate it to your own struggle because as much as you care about that, as much as you think they care about that - they don't give a toss.

With politics, the lack of listening perhaps has a less serious, but more long-term internalised problem. So often, in the current times of division, people are not willing to engage with others in rational debate or conversation. Many prefer to engage only with those who they align with on the political spectrum, creating an echo chamber of sorts. Those with different views are instantly outcasted, without the need for conversation, and seen as "the opposition". 

This attitude, which has become so commonplace with introduction of social media, by which you can pick and choose which news sources to follow, troubles me greatly. To build relationships with people and truly understand their opinions, it is vital to consider the point of view that they may be making, as conflicting as it may be with your own worldview. 

Not only that, but it shows a fair degree of self-righteousness if we are not willing to embrace the fact that we are not always right. Our views stem from our own warped perception of the world, and are things we ought to build upon and evolve.

In some ways, this bears similarities to the refusal of many to "lose" a debate in politics. It is seen as a weakness to give in, to accept that you may have not acknowledged something, and can reconsider your viewpoint as a result. the "loser" has gained some knowledge/perspective in conceding their point, whereas the "winner" gets nothing other than becoming more presumptuous and confident that their views are the right ones.

 

Listening is so much more than nodding along. It is to take on board any conflicting views and opinions of people around us and actively attempt to empathise with what they are saying to you. It is to attempt to see things from other people's perspectives, to try and offer support from negative situations they find themselves in, or to try and engage with the happiness and relaxation a certain situation may give to them. 

I truly believe good listening can facilitate more cohesion in what is becoming an ever-complicated, busy and self-centred world. Unfortunately, with the rise of social media, division has become more commonplace than unity. More people wish to speak their mind, project their opinions and in doing so, refuse to listen to others. 

It may take more than a global pandemic to change that. But one day, we will all understand the true value of the listener.