Freedom is a fantasy, which can only be achieved by a good deal of empathy

Empathy has become a trait I have wanted this world to embrace more sincerely throughout the past couple of years, especially given the challenges we face are becoming more personal than ever. On a human level, such is the power of feeling understood that it can create positive bonds in even the most bleak situations. Well, now we have the opportunity. 

The difficulties faced this year for all, throughout the world, need no mentioning. Spending excess time with your own mind is challenging. Especially when weighed down by negativity - which these blogs definitely haven't helped. Sorry. But not sorry.

We had slipped into such a lull as a society that we didn't appreciate the things we had. We needed so much variety in our personal lives, from what film to watch at the weekend to choosing which beer to buy, of the millions that seem to exist. I'll take any but Carling, thanks. 

I'm sure the few people that are reading this are instantly thinking "man, I can't wait to have that freedom to do what I want back". I would agree, a semblance of normality would be quite comforting, as would a pint. But whether or not we return to the old "normal", as strange as it sounds - that is not freedom. Instead what we had pre-pandemic was an abundance of variety, masquerading itself as freedom.

At the start of the third lockdown, I committed to picking up a new habit of reading daily. The book I've been reading, and that has got me pondering this "freedom" we think we have, is Mark Manson's 'Everything is F*cked: A Book about Hope'. I know, a gloomy title, but if you've read this blog at all, you'd be aware that I love a sweeping statement of eternal pessimism. I'm working on that.

In the book, he explains that because we have so many brands of chocolate to choose from, so much different music to listen to, so many different news channels to watch, we feel free. There are so many mindless things to distract us from living that we get so attached to these choices. CC: Social media - we don't need to use you as much as you think, you're the embodiment of a thoughtless hobby that we partake in. But you're helping me get this blog out, so I don't completely hate you.

When we become bored of one, we decide we want something new, something better! What's not to like? Well, a lot. We will become bored with that one soon enough, and want more variety. And as Manson says, variety can be get dull, because as humans, we always need something new - and we're always hoping some new, more exciting activity will come along. The cycle becomes endless.

As we find these new activities to stimulate our minds, we are always attached to the old ones, so we find a way to keep as many of these in our lives in some form or another. This is linked to the modern consumerist idea of "the more, the better". But if you have 10 hobbies that you juggle on a weekly basis to keep you busy but you have no time to reflect on how they make you feel - you are enslaved in the superficiality of the activities themselves. The pleasure of all these activities will always diminish, because they are used as a means to make you believe you feel good. 

I am guilty of this, and I think this is the main thing that this tumultuous and life-stopping year has taught me. I wanted to juggle reading, blogging, meditating, drinking and socialising, using my voice on social media, exercise, and by far most importantly, sitting on my arse watching sport, simultaneously. Each one became a chore that I was partaking in simply to say to myself "you did that". Because let's face it, in the midst of a pandemic, I'm not doing much else and my mind just can't face doing nothing. And I'm a bloody introvert.

Manson goes on to say that giving up one of your hobbies or freedoms is a sign of being more free. It is easy to cower away from something you hate and avoid the pain it may bring. It takes a lot to go out of your way to stop doing something you are convinced makes you happier. 

This has been a long-winded way of linking empathy, the pandemic, and freedom. But it comes down to this. To be free, you need to be uncomfortable.

I want to quote Manson, because he wisely sums up what I think we are experiencing, both politically and socially, right now:

"people seem to have confused their basic human rights with not experiencing any discomfort. People want freedom to express themselves, but they don't want to have to deal with views that may upset or offend them in some way... freedom itself demands discomfort. It demands dissatisfaction. Because the freer a society becomes, the more each person will be forced to reckon and compromise with views and lifestyles and ideas that conflict with our own."

We are all, to some extent, lamenting the fact that the pandemic has taken away our freedom to indulge in all the variety of activities we previously enjoyed. But this discomfort may be part of making us more free, with more clarity over what we want to achieve and experience. It has taught us what is important. What we value most. 

It has also exposed the more varying views that we will experience, through print and social media. Many people are in their own echo chamber, where they don't want to engage with people who they disagree with. We need people to challenge our views and assumptions so they make us uncomfortable. And thus, more free.

Instead, all we had, and indeed have right now, is everyone thinking that they know best. In 2019, I'd have to spell out that my mum studied diseases, as an epidemiologist, because the reply would be "uhhhh a what?!?!?". Now every person and their dog has a degree in epidemiology, know how to handle the spread of COVID-19 better than the experts, and a small minority are resistant to losing their "freedoms". At least we have Brexit for the freedom, eh?

To communicate and discuss things with people, we need to understand that their opinion is more qualified than ours. We need a little humility. With the vitriol spread throughout this time on social media, I fear that right now that is not happening. 

That is where empathy is the key. If we accept that everyone's values are dictated through their experiences, choices and what they enjoy, we can accept that we will never agree. But we can try to understand, and communicate to the benefit of all. The "loser" of an argument comes out with more knowledge than the "winner". Unless the "loser" is the deposed Donald Trump, who while I am writing, is finally no longer the most powerful person on the planet. That gives me immense joy. See, I can be positive!

When normality closes back in, which is inevitable with vaccines, we have the choice of whether we want to return to the shallow illusions of freedom we previously had, or learn from the discomfort of the pandemic that will ultimately liberate us mentally. I know which way I'm leaning.